This never happened
by judethefosters
Summary: A short one-shot about Jude and Connor sharing the tent on the camping trip.


**This never happened.**

 **This fan fiction is about Jude and Connor sharing the tent on the camping trip, and what I think has happened in there. I just wanted to make clear that I'm Italian and my english is still improving. So if you find some mistake feel free to correct me, and of course I'm opened to any kind of advice or critique as long as it isn't impolite.**

 **CONNOR'S POV**

How much has passed since the lights out? Ten minutes? Half a hour? Or maybe an hour? This is our last night on the camping trip and also the last night I can spend with my best friend Jude, before we get back to normal life where we can hang out only at school. I miss the times when we used to sleepover at each other's houses and have fun together, like normal best friends do. That ended when my dad started to think Jude is gay, and I still feel so bad about it even if I apologized a thousand times, 'cause I didn't stand up to him and let he have what he wanted. I can't help but worrying about his reaction when he'll find out I shared a tent with Jude: he's gonna be so mad with me, who knows what he's gonna do to me. I decide to not think about it right now.

I shift to watch Jude's back: his light breath tells me he's sleeping, but I don't want to spend the night awake alone. –Jude?- I put an hand on his arm and slightly shake it, -Are you awake?-

His breath stops as he groans, visibly annoyed: -I am now…- he mumbles, and I grin.

-Sorry, can't sleep.-

-Is everything alright?-he turns to see me with an eye closed and the other one opened, which makes me now laugh a little. –Yeah, I'm fine. I just don't want this to end.-

-Don't you want to go back? I thought you missed hot showers, couches and good food since you kept complaining about them all week.-

-Oh, shut up, I'm serious.- I say, but his laugh is so contagious that I end up laughing too. He's right though: I've spent most of the time saying how badly I wanted to back home to eat pizza and watch movies, but I can't deny it was fun to stay out in the nature for a while. Better than going to school anyways.

-I thought we could talk since we haven't done it much the past weeks.-

I know it's my fault things between us haven't been great lately, mostly because of my father, and me wanting to keep our friendship a secret: I'm just really afraid of my dad, but I don't want to lose Jude just because he thinks he's gay. I mean, I don't even care if he is. He's my best friend.

But is he really just that? I can't help but staring at him while he's talking about his family and Callie having this new sister who he's jealous about, thinking of that night at the party at the Adams-Fosters' house. I can still vividly see the bottle on Chelsea's phone spinning, and then pointing to Jude. I can still remember how much I wanted to kiss him, even if I tried to seem emotionless, before Callie broke in his room and said my father was there. I don't know why I feel so weird now, every time we talk, every time we share gazes. And why I was so devastated when I thought I'd lost him for good, a week ago.

-Earth to Connor! Are you even listening?- Jude frowns, looking at me. –Why are you staring at me like that?-

I feel my face burning when I realize I've spaced out, with my eyes still on Jude's face. He's kind of beautiful in his way, I have to admit to myself. He's skinny and seems so defensless that every time I look at him I want to hug him and protect him. I blush uncontrollably at this thought, thankful to the darkness for not showing that to my friend, who's still waiting for an answer: -Sorry, I spaced out.-

What the hell is happening to me?

-Is that about your father? Is that why you don't want to go back?-

-Yeah, kind of…- I lie.

-I knew this was a bad idea- his smile has disappeared, -You think he'll freak out?-

-He'll freak out for sure. It's my dad who we're talking about.-

-Then, you think he's gonna do more?-

-I don't know, maybe…- I see his eyes open widely the moment I say these words. –Probably not.-

I continue, quickly, to not scary him more. It's pretty cute though, that he's worrying about me, for once. Usually I'm the one who keeps an eye on him, the stronger one. It feels good to see that he cares about me as much as I do. I bite my lip at this thought, as he continues talking.

-Connor, if there's anything I can do to help you, tell me. I can talk to my moms and tell them to keep an eye on him…-

-No, Jude, it's okay. I don't want you to get involved.-

-I'm already involved…- he responds, putting an hand on my shoulder. –I'm your friend, I'm here for you no matter what.-

And then I can't take it anymore. I press my lips on his before he can pull away. I feel his tension and panic at first, but then he relaxes and kisses me back. My heart does a double jump when I realize what I'm doing: I'm really kissing Jude, I'm really kissing my best friend. Does it mean I like him? Or is it just curiosity?

Oh God… I can't.

I pull away immediately, my eyes wide opened. I look at Jude who's still laying in the same position, in shock.

I'm pretty sure I messed up now. Not only with my dad, who's the one who scares me the most, but with my best friend too. –I'm sorry…- That's the only thing that goes off my mouth, before I turn my back to Jude. I can't even look him in the eyes right now, because I know he's trying to figure out what's going on in my mind, and I can't let him see that it was intentional.

That I was thinking about it from the night of the 'almost kiss'. And the worst part is that I liked it, that I want more but I know I can't because I'm not allowed to be like that. But _I like_ Jude, I really do. And I'm afraid of that.

-We can't tell anyone. Promise me you won't- I whisper. –If my dad finds out…-

-I know- he responds. I feel his eyes on my back. –This never happened.-


End file.
